a few items

what I don't care about right now:

Barbara Walters' retirement
Barbara Walters in general
Oprah, Hillary Clinton and the entire cast of The View, past and present.
My weight
Billboard Music Awards tonight
Kimye
The man who told me I was "big as a house" at church today.  Asked twice if I was expecting twins. Laughed and laughed and laughed. Maybe I should actually put these comments under the category: Stuff that made me mad and also made me want to cry.  And another category: Reasons I may not go to church for awhile.
The Fault in our Stars and other wordy books that are overrated.  I felt like I was choking on every...single...clever...conversation.  If you see John Green tell him I said he's not that great.
Whether or not my kids are brushing their teeth.  Who has the energy.

what I do care about right now:

ice
I'm down to half a bag right now...Sonic tomorrow.
kettle potato chips
the pain in my back
the pain in my ribs
what we will name this baby
the fact that I made it through baseball season
the fact that by the end of it we were down to one mitt...where the rest of it went, we may never know.
the fact that I left two weeks worth of meat in the car overnight last night.  Went to put in a roast this morning and...there was no roast. 

This picture:



13 days left.  Three more hours of church.  Two Mondays.  Two Friday nights.  etcetcetcetc....

frozen

Sure signs you're addicted to eating ice:

You struggle to engage in conversation every morning until you've had your cup of ice.

You haul your kids (and sometimes other people's kids via carpool) 30 minutes round trip to Sonic.  Who wants a slushy?  Tator tots? Mom needs her ice.

You throw away perfectly good food (not expired, not freezer burned) from your freezer to accommodate said bag of Sonic ice.

You find yourself driving back to Sonic every three days so you throw away more food...and buy bags two at a time.

After purchasing bag, you spend the 15 minute drive home eating it straight up with your fingers.

Your kids now want ice in all their drinks.

Your oldest son packed his own lunch and upon checking its contents, one packed item was a Ziploc bag of ice.  For lunch.

Your family visits an ice cream shop by the ocean where they bake homemade waffle cones and dish up homemade ice cream from scratch.  You opt for not one but two bowls of crushed ice. 

While on vacation your condo's refrigerator has no ice machine.  Sonic is nowhere to be found.  You send your six year old down a few doors to ask for bowls of ice from Natalie and Jeff.  Until they're out of ice.

You wake up at 2:30 am with restless legs then realize you can't fall back asleep without...a tall glass of ice.

When your husband takes a sip from your ice water you make him fill the cup back up with water....ice levels and water levels have to stay...level.

You nearly crash your vehicle on several occasions trying to shake that last bit of ice from the bottom of the cup into your mouth.  Probably more dangerous than texting.

Your two year old now requests "Ice!  IIIICCCCEEE!"

While removing one of two 10 lb bags of ice from freezer, you drop the bag on garage floor, sending perfect ice flying everywhere.  You fight back tears. 

You've broken several cups used to crush up too-frozen ice.

You realize that on average, you consume 30 lbs. of ice per week. 

Husband brings you a large snow cone at the zoo which you don't think you want until you start spooning the ice into your mouth...two minutes later it is gone and you've sent him back for #2.

You actually dream about consuming ice.

You wake up feeling achy, tired, huge, pregnant and want to stay in bed...until you realize you have to get up if you want some ice. 

While watching TV shows, movies, commercials...you fail to notice the food in any scenes but instead focus on the ice.  One time the ice looks so good you break your NO ICE AFTER 9 PM rule and splurge at 11 pm with a tall glass. 

You eat ice so quickly that your mouth becomes frozen; if phone rings, you know you have to call them back when your tongue has defrosted.

Before leaving on trip, item on to-do list is stock the freezer with ice.  So nice to come home to those two bags waiting for me.

While posting on your blog about ice, your mouth starts to salivate for more ice.



35 down, five more to go. Pray my teeth don't disintegrate.

recent altercations

When I was pregnant with Lennon and Larry I remember feeling extra laid back.  Super steady and emotionally high. With Ruby I was confrontational.  No filter.  This time I began very sick and therefore emotional which has morphed into confrontational meets easily bugged at people. 

Luckily I've only had two public altercations -- both with men -- to date.  The first one happened in a restaurant back when I was just trying to keep my breakfast down and decided to take the kids to grab lunch and head to the park.  This was a big deal after weeks of couch living and watching Disney movies on repeat just to survive.  As I was paying for our meal Ruby dripped a little of her Fruit Punch on the counter.  I apologized to the lady and asked for a rag; she replied it was no big deal and she was happy to get it.  After all I was holding a huge bag of food, drinks and a 24 lb one year old with her brother in tow.  I thanked her, tipped her, and left.

As I pushed the door open to leave a large man on a tennis date said loudly, "Ohhhh don't worry, I got this...THANKS A LOT!" as HE wiped up Ruby's teeny tiny mess.

Unrelated pic of Larry riding his bike

I stopped and walked back in.

Me: Are you thanking me?
Man: (startled) Nope.
Me: Why did you just say Thanks a lot?
Man: I was just saying thanks for leaving (still wiping up mess, avoiding eye contact).
Me: I didn't clean that up because this nice lady offered to do it for me.  My hands were full.  I would've been happy to do it myself.
Man: Yeah...I get it.  I have three kids.  I just don't ask other people to CLEAN UP AFTER ME.
Me: Wow.  So you have three kids?  I would think you OF ALL PEOPLE would understand....

Blahblahblah.  It went on until I finally left and then drove to the park and cried.  Glad he wasn't my date.

And then our neighbor. 

HE'S ON A SIDEWALK!

I took the kids for a walk over Christmas break - pushing Ruby in the stroller and the boys on bikes.  They like to ride off and on the sidewalks.  As we rounded the corner to head home a car came flying up the street, flipped around, and backed into his driveway.  Going three times too fast.  So fast I couldn't even warn the boys to get out of the way.  We were obviously visible.  He didn't care.  I sent the kids to the garage and walked over to his house.  He was still in his car so I walked into his garage.  We'd never met. 

Me: Excuse me, are you a father?
Neighbor: Yes, I am (he has grandkids).
Me: If your kids were on bikes around the neighborhood would you want people driving that fast?
Neighbor: I was driving the speed limit!
Me: Is that slow enough when kids are on bikes?
Neighbor: Well when I was raising my kids, I held their hands on walks and we STAYED ON THE SIDEWALK!
Me: So you want me to hold three kids' hands as we walk on the sidewalk?  You want me to tell my six and four year old no more bikes because Mom has to hold their hands?
Neighbor: My kids rode their bikes on sidewalks.
Me: People back out of driveways just as fast so neither is very safe.  But thankfully YOU were such a good parent.  I guess I should be apologizing to YOU for being such a horrible mother!  Please continue speeding up and down these streets and I will keep my kids off their bikes and on SIDEWALKS ONLY!  SO SORRY for my mistake!!!!!!

Unrelated pic of Lennon being a good brother

Ruby at church

19 weeks

Almost halfway there.

i'm pregnant

I'm pregnant.  This will be our fourth child.  I feel scared/crazy/ambitious/tired.

Mostly tired.

The first trimester was ugly.  U-G-L-Y.

My documentation of seven weeks of sick.

 My sink still looks like this.  I feel physically unable to unload and load the dishwasher.  By the time Tod unloads it, it's completely loaded and ready to wash what was in the sink. 

 

Couldn't get her to hold still.  She loved her crown.

 On my worst day I couldn't get off the couch.  Nausea was overwhelming.  I ordered a pizza for dinner but felt bugged when the pizza man rang my doorbell.  YOU WANT ME TO GET UP?!  That night Lennon seemed to understand and took his siblings in the backyard for about an hour.  He made them crowns and swords and they played until bedtime.  I love him.

Food was my friend and my worst enemy.  If I didn't eat every hour or so, the nausea was unbearable.  However, nothing sounded good and I was sick of eating.  Although I wanted pumpkin bread on a regular basis.  One day these were delivered...my sweet Canadian Megan ordered them and had them sent to me.  Made me cry. I also cried today watching The Little Mermaid with Ruby.  Just the sacrifice that King Triton made so his daughter could be happy...knowing he would miss her...he wanted her in the sea and she wanted those legs.  I was bawling.

 

And don't even get me started on Paul Walker.  I choke up just talking about him.

 I took a picture of this because WHO EATS THIS post-gym or just before bed.  Sick.  I'd also come home from the gym and cook up a couple packs of Ramen.  Who needs a protein shake or some fruit. 

 

Oh yeah...I don't really eat fruits or vegetables anymore.  Although do pickles count?

 And there were about three weeks when this combo was all I could stomach.  I went through a jar of pickles per week.  Judge all you want.  But then try this and you'll apologize.

Finally -- maternity clothes shopping for the fourth and final time.  Sort of depressing.  Sort of exciting.  Pretty scary.  Three feels like a lot.  Four feels like the end of my world.  15 weeks now and holding food down.  Gagging on my toothbrush still but then recovering.  Glad that part is behind me.

And glad I already look eight months pregnant.  No I'm not having twins.  Let's keep those big belly comments to ourselves or to our friends at the park, ok?

i'm pregnant?

I've discovered the perfect remedy for feeling nine months pregnant. It's called bronchitis.

The picture Tod advised me not to post.
Me: "Why, because I look ugly or because it looks like I'm smoking something?"
Tod: "It's a combination."
Actually a picture of the breathing treatments I've had to do so I can breathe again.  I'm not ashamed.

See, when you get bronchitis and you're 38 weeks pregnant, suddenly your former aches start blending with body aches and fever. Your huge belly that kept you breathless before now blends with the fact that you can hardly breathe at all. Sleepless nights are now not just because of size but also headache and chills.

My view for the last six days

 Love notes from a very concerned Lennon ("Mom, when you cough it scares me...like I don't want to get it from you.")

 St. Patricks Day came and went.  Pretty sure Tod hung out with the boys but who knows.  I was asleep.

A few other things happened while I was in bed all week.  For starters, Larry converted to Jehovah's Witness.

Some JW missionaries knocked on our door and left us this magazine.  He's dragged it everywhere with him for seven days.  Browsing through it in the yard, taking it with him to the bathroom, perusing it before bed. 

Larry studies his magazine while Lennon plays Memory...with himself.

Larry also started enjoying broccoli.  Which is a little concerning considering he wouldn't eat anything that was green for about 18 months.  Big step.

But this morning I woke up and finally felt like myself again.  Drove Lennon to school with the music blasting because Hey!  I'm out of my house!  Came home and started cleaning up the kitchen then decided maybe I'd do that after I rested for awhile...

Before I got sick I fantasized about not being pregnant and all the things I wanted to do.  Backbends.  Sprints.  Jumping on the trampoline. Sleeping on my back then flipping onto my stomach.  Now I want to do all those things but also add taking Ibuprofen, NyQuil, and any other cold medicine my heart desires.  Maybe even all at once if I feel so inclined.  While jumping on the trampoline.  Wearing normal jeans. 

Two more weeks.

oh baby

We are ready for this baby.  Larry's bathroom skills have taken a turn towards improvement and I'm having contractions whenever I'm up and moving.  I really know the baby is coming because I planted flowers last weekend.  Actually most of it was Tod planting for me.  Other pre-baby planting here.

Disturbingly my teeth have started aching from all the ice chewing.  Instead of stopping I've developed system where I chew the ice then use my tongue to soothe the aching teeth afterwards.  Once the aching dies down I chew more ice.

Who knows a good dentist? 

white trash wevers

This weekend was full of exciting events.  They began on Friday when a package arrived for Tod from my brother Tommy.  In it was this wolf shirt.  Tod was tickled pink and wore it alllllllllll weekend.  True love, those two.

 Sunday night we time traveled to the 80s and played a few games of UNO (Lennon's new favorite game thanks to Grandma Carol) and watched The Karate Kid.  The original.  Not the crappy one with Will Smith's bratty kid.  Another gift from Tommy.  He is good.

 Saturday I made Tod move furniture to get the baby room ready and he took the crib apart and repainted it in the front yard.  I'm sorry, SPRAY painted it in the front yard.  Shirtless.  With Larry prancing around pantless (see above).  Total, shameless trash.

Lennon's new pajamas also came in the mail.  All I'm going to say is he picked them out himself.

And then there was last night when I had a semi-emotional breakdown when I came across this picture on Tod's phone.  Me...just last August...in my normal, comfortable, painless body.  I forgot that body even existed.  Today at the gym I was lying on a bench and tried to roll up...only to come back down again.  Got up on try #2 but it wasn't pretty.  I feel like a normal person trapped in a beach ball body. 

And finally, I had a crap day on Friday so Tod sent me an email. He loves to fake-quote people.  The very end of the email reads, One of my favorite quotes by Mario Lopez that I always tell myself is, "The truth is the truth and the truth will set you free if it is the truth but if it is not the truth then you will not be free nor will you know what the truth is." 

So, so true.

35 weeks

view from above

view from messy guest room

...and the kid who I can no longer pick up and how he chooses to leave most public establishments.  This is only a clip...it was a good 15 minutes from the park to the car.  Unfortunately this clip doesn't show the perv from the park who kept trying to stare at/talk to me all morning and then as I left he predicted I was having twins.  Thanks Guy.  You should probably be in jail.

baking with a belly

I am such a mess. 

Oh and Jamie...there are no words. 

these used to be pants

While Larry sleeps every afternoon Lennon likes to try on ten million costumes.  Usually a superhero, when he walked out in this old thing I couldn't stop laughing.  Which wasn't the reaction he was looking for but it reminded me of my favorite Halloween costumes yet.  I wish I could get them in adult sizes.

In other, annoying news, the ice-chewing portion of my pregnancy is officially underway.  Tod may need a place to sleep until April.  If I could, I would eat bowls of Sonic ice as meals.  Plus chocolate covered pretzels and clementines.  We finally gave the Thai food at Archi's a try last weekend (blech) and I ate more crushed ice than yellow curry. 

You wouldn't know it by looking at me, however.

And one last thought -- why DO I watch The Bachelor?  A.D.E. texted me the other day, "Why do I keep watching The Bachelor" and I texted back "mindless entertainment" but really?  I'm not a big fan of Ben and not just because he slept with a supermodel in the ocean while 10 other girls hoped for a hug.  I think that's a pretty safe bet on most days.  So why do I look forward to Monday nights in the most unhealthy way?  Is it for Rachel's bangs or Kacie B.'s hard-to-control-curls in humid weather?  Not sure.  But today is Thursday which means only four more days...

I'm sorry, did I just call Courtney a supermodel?  I meant model hopeful.

 My almost daily conversations with Megan usually involve discussion over why Ben keeps "the poor one" (Jamie, above) and is inevitably followed by an argument over Lyndzie (below).  I declared she was the prettiest one left.  Megan argued that her skin and lips were gray and she looks "like a chain smoker...at least a pack a day" (real quote).  WHAT???

Would YOU play baseball for time with Ben?  I'd like to think I wouldn't.

growing hole

I wanted to name this post "Larry's Hole" but felt it might send the wrong message.  Although this post is about Larry's hole.  The hole he digs and re-digs that we fill in so he re-digs it over and over again.

The problem is he likes his hole right in front of Tod's BBQ.  The first time Tod walked out to his grill and almost fell he was not happy. There's always that question, "Holly, who let the boys ______________?"  In this case it was, "Who let the boys dig this hole?"  I always want to say, "Oh, that was the nanny..." or "Maybe the gardener did it?" or "I know the maid was back there earlier..."  because come on.

So I've monitored and tried to distract and encouraged other hole locations but those seven weeks of hell had me in survival mode.  And that hole got deeper and deeper.  Because please, if you can just keep digging and let Mom sit here I don't care where your hole ends up.  Dad may care but we're not worried about that right now.

Something else I'm noticing besides my lack of parenting presence are my fleeting food moods.  I don't call them cravings because when I was sick it was more like survival.  Like, what can I put in my mouth, chew up, and fully digest.  There was the day I went to the gym then decided I couldn't do anything until I'd had an Arby's Beef and Cheddar sandwich with curly fries.  I got to the drive-thru and ordered a jumbo meal.  JUMBO MEAL.  Pulled over in a parking spot and inhaled it in no time.  The next day if you had even SAID curly fries I would've lost it.  Probably all over your shirt.

I also had this weird Suddenly Salad kick.  It was lunchtime and nothing sounded good.  Then I spotted a box in the pantry and that was it.  Made the pasta and ate the entire box -- enough to feed a family of four (although serving sizes are such a joke......right?).  I don't know if it's shame or hormones but I haven't gone back to another box since.

My cantaloupe phase lasted about two days, potato chips were one entire bag (but in about 36 hours) applesauce phase added to 24 hours, French fries were about two weeks and my Caesar salad phase was a good three days. 

Hopefully the next phase will be carrot sticks and celery because my clothes are not fitting like they used to.

1st trimester in pictures

Larry decided to dump some powder eye shadow all over our bedspread. Instead of cleaning it up I just stared at it.  For weeks.  

Sometimes the only thing I could keep down

Found this one morning and puked about 30 seconds later.  

All order out the door.  Family room stayed like this for weeks.

Tod caught this in the middle of all the nausea.  Ewwwww.

This was the sickest I've been with my pregnancies.  When was rock bottom?

Was it the 45 minutes I spent on the shower floor every night trying to avoid throwing up my dinner?

Or no, it had to be the week I ate Ramen Noodles for almost three meals a day.

Worse than that was the morning Lennon asked me to stop throwing up because it was "getting disgusting" and it made him want to throw up, too.  Poor, poor kid.

There was that night I had mashed potatoes and French Fries for dinner.  Just the thought makes me ill.

Maybe it was the day I got home from errands with an empty stomach which is not a good sign.  I opened the fridge and and spotted a jar of apple sauce.  And it looked tasty.  I was feeling so dizzy and weak that I skipped a couple steps, opened the jar, and started pouring apple sauce down my throat.  Picture it in your mind; it was as desperate as it sounds.

And it tasted so much better on the way down.

11 week belly...and no it's not twins.  My mom visited this weekend and kept asking if I'm SURE it's not twins...

Glad all that is over.

I have an announcement to make

I finally unpacked my suitcase.

It only took six weeks but the day finally arrived.  After a month and a half of avoidance I woke up with a burst of energy.  I started the morning in the garage where I organized, swept, arranged and stacked.  It was only 8 am.  I took that momentum into my closet where I unpacked my suitcase, hung all the clothes, started a load of laundry and even pulled everything off my shelves and refolded for a crisper look.

Is anyone still reading this.

Next was the playroom.  I put all the books into their baskets and the toys into their bins then put the train set back together (for the 11 millionth time) and vacuumed.  Hmmm, already vacuuming, might as well do the upstairs.  Then I noticed the boys' laundry hadn't been put away so I did it in record speed.  Went downstairs and saw a few crumbs so I brought down the vacuum and finished the house.  Pine Sol-ed the counters and floors then decided it was time to buy a new iron.  Went to Target for an iron and came home with an iron, Lennon's Halloween costume and new bedding.  Washed all my new sheets then plugged in my hardcore iron.  Pulled pillowcases out of the dryer and pressed each one.  Pulled mattress off my box springs, threw away old bedskirt and pressed new one, then replaced.  Put new, clean bedding on the bed then vacuumed again because all the lines were messed up. 

I am not this anal; just starting my second trimester.

Wait until you see what my first trimester looked like.  I have pictures.  And there was no iron/vacuum/clean anything involved. 

Two will become three in the beginning of April 2012.  Yikes.

Sorry it's sideways.  I'd fix it but I used all my energy ironing this weekend.