to my kids: about your dad

Dear Lennon, Larry, Ruby and Thomas,

This Sunday is Father's Day and want you to know a few things about your dad.

The first thing you need to know is that he is crazy about all of you.  So crazy that sometimes at night we lay in bed and I tell him things you each did/said and little tears run down his face.  

You amaze him.

The next thing you should know is your dad is busy.  He owns his own business and while that sounds super important and cool; it's a lot of work.  It's a lot of responsibility.  It's a lot of ups and downs and right now he is working long hours.  Last night he got home at 1:30 am from work.  A few weeks ago, he worked until 5 am...from the day before.  He came home at 5, slept for an hour, then jumped up and got dressed.  Headed to Lennon's school where he presented at Career Day.

 Initially when he told me he wanted to present at Lennon's school, I wondered what on earth he could do/say about property management to interested 30 kids at a time.  He printed fake money, built mini houses out of boxes and showed the kids how property management works.  They were enthralled.  And after four hours of presenting he headed home and took you boys to a Father and Son's campout for church.  Didn't complain.  Didn't even complain when you got home the next day and I told him he was taking all three of you to Annie at the Smith Center.  Not one complaint, not one dirty look, just smiles and gratitude and love for you.

Father and Son's campout on one hour of sleep...

Dad and Ruby in Anaheim

Something else you should know about your dad: He loves your mom.  Right now it's summertime so I have four kids at home and a million boxes to pack for our move and messy closets and no adult helpers.  This morning before he left for work he suggested I start packing a certain way to which I replied, "I'm actually going to pack this house however the hell I want," to which he replied, "I love you," and laughed.  Sometimes when there are four kids screaming and the house feels crazy and I'm trying to make dinner and I can hardly hear myself think, he comes into the kitchen and grabs my hand and starts dancing with me.  Sometimes I pretend to be annoyed but really 100% of the time I love stopping everything and slow dancing with him while you guys run wild.  Sometimes it's important to enjoy the craziness and remember how we got here.

We planned a trip to Bear Lake (pictures posted soon) a few months ago but things got crazy...SUPER crazy at work just before the trip.  I told him he didn't have to go.  I told him my mom could come instead and help.  I told him I understood if he had to stay home and take care of some really important things at work.  He listened and then said he didn't care if it all burned down; he wanted to be with us.  I was relieved and thankful.

Bear Lake boating

The last thing you should know about Dad -- he loves God.  He has a lot of faith.  He sees things with clear eyes and knows what is important in life.  Every day he tries to obey God because he believes that doing what's right brings blessings.  He's shown me over and over that this is a real principle.  Most nights he falls asleep on his knees praying. Your dad is special.  He is happy even when life is hard.  He works hard and never complains.  He is always willing to listen and change.  He quietly serves people that you will never even know about.  Boys, I pray you grow up to be like your dad and have love and faith in your life.  Ruby, I pray you find a husband who will love you even when you're bossy and will trust God even when life feels impossible.

Dad and Thomas on first birthday

Happy Father's Day Tod.  We couldn't do this without you xoxoxo

better to burn out

Big birthday weekend.  Preparations began on Thursday with these two and their new paints from Grandma KK.

Lennon said:

 

"I'm going to paint lots of tiger stripes on this one because Dad likes beasts."

 Then Karic showed up fresh from finals and joined us in celebrating Tod's birthday.  And then watched our kids all weekend so we could leave our kids all weekend.

 The only picture we have to document the getaway. Ate a lot and had uninterrupted conversation.  I even slept in until 8.

 Sunday night we celebrated my dad's birthday at home.  He spent the first five years of his life in Japan.  One of his favorite dinners was Gyoza.  I grew up making and eating this regularly; it was cool to see my kids do the same.  He would've wanted us all together, eating and laughing.

When I feel sad about losing him I try to remember that he never lost his independence or his dignity.  We never had to put him in a home or watch him fade away.  

 

 "It's better to burn out...than to fade away."

 

- Neil Young

 

Happy Birthday to two of the best guys I know.

 

[Birthday photo courtesy of Tod's sister Ali.  Nailed it.]

my cover is blown

While I've spent the last four years making fun of my husband via blog, he has allowed the abuse in silence.  Then I turned 30 on Sunday and he crept from the shadows, surprising me with that post.  Raise your hand if you believe I'm headed straight to hell...

Although, Tod knows how I feel.  I omit the gushy and sweet on my blog for entertainment purposes.  I don't have to announce every compliment, flower, date night and surprise on my blog.  That's for us.

But I will say this once: My decision to marry Tod is the best one I've made.

It's not because Tod is a perfect person.  And it's not because he thinks I'm perfect, either.  It's because we are each other's best possible match.
Marriage is fragile.  I've seen strong ones disintegrate without much warning.  I have several divorced friends who wonder what they were thinking the first time.  It often stems back to not choosing their very best possible match originally.

I dated several different guys before Tod.  All of them with different qualities that appealed to me.  In the end though, I couldn't picture myself laughing with them at a dinner party 20 years down the road.  I couldn't imagine laying next to them at night talking about nothing in the dark.  I wanted someone who knew I was ready to leave a party without me having to say so.  My future with them never.felt.quite.right.  Something was always a little off or missing.

When Tod and I started dating it felt like a puzzle coming together; two very different pieces with jagged edges that together made a perfect fit.  Nothing was off.  It was natural and peaceful. The longer we're together, the more cohesive the pieces become.  It's easy because we had the right two pieces to work with from the beginning.   Which is the best way to start because life is hard.  When there's no money or crappy jobs or abusive business partners or disabilities or broken down cars or screaming kids during dinner... you'd better be super into whoever you come home to.  Otherwise, where's the light?

Is anyone still reading this?

I don't plan to divulge all the thoughtful, kind, genuine things Tod says and does on a daily basis.  But I will, this one time, admit...he is the best person in my life.  I could not have done better.

Speaking of the best, the other day we grabbed lunch.  While eating he asked me if I had any frenemies.  What?  I almost choked on my burrito. In the same breath he commented that my new feather earrings looked like they came from a Chesapeake Mallard or the like.  And as we left, he took someone's business card out of the "FREE LUNCH DRAWING!" bucket and wrote a phone number on it for later use.

And...I'm back.

Seven Year Burn

A week ago...
Me: Our anniversary is coming up; are you feeling the seven year itch yet?
Tod: "It's more like a burn."

Originally I thought he meant his heart was burning until he later explained burn as "the stage after the itch...it's worse."

Dear Tod,

Remember seven years ago when we got married?  Remember that morning when you ironed your shirt and almost burned a hole in it?  Remember how we pulled up to the temple and you asked, "Should we flip a u-ey?" and we both sort of laughed but in a really scared way?

Thank you for another year.  Thank you for being really funny.  Thanks for that one time a couple weeks ago when we argued the entire drive to the movie theatre over which route was faster.  You thought that one freeway was fastest while I knew that one street would take us right there.  Thanks for being willing to clock both routes at midnight that night.  And thanks for not being too mad that my way was much faster.  Good sport.

Speaking of movies, thanks for hating Inception.  Remember when the entire world told us it was the best movie ever and we sat there wanting to die?  As in, literally, when they started wearing snow suits and running around on a mountain I wanted someone to pull out a gun and just put it to my head.  I left to get some air and when I came back I asked what I'd missed.  Your reply?  "Ohhhhhhhhh...it's just too deep." Haha it's easy to make fun of dreams within dreams....within more dreams.

Finally, I'm glad you're around.  I'm glad you're around to watch shows about serial killers and meth dealers while the boys sleep.  I'm glad you're around on Sundays to chase one of the two running up the aisles.  You were there for their births, you are there for our birthdays, you come to my races, you are there on every holiday.  You were even there at 3 am when the phone rang in May.  You let me cry, packed the car, and drove me six hours to mourn with my family.  You were there weeks later when the tears hadn't stopped and told me it's okay if it takes a long time to feel better.  And that made me feel better.

You're the best guy I know.  Love, Holly