RIP green and pink pants

Today I have good news and then very sad news.

Good news: We saw this guy on Saturday night and he was very funny and our tickets were really cheap.

More good news: It was at The Orleans. Classy joint.
Even more good news: Tod liked my earrings and told me, "Native American jewelry really looks good on you." Whatever that means, thanks!
Sad news:

Today I decided to wash my pink AND green lounge (not sweat!) pants with a huge sleeping bag that had never been washed. Result: Rust colored sleeping bag bled all over my pants. Unfortunately Tod was present when I discovered this and started making me feel better immediately.

Tod: "Why would anyone put pants in the washer with this sleeping bag?"
Me: "I know this now."
Tod: "I mean look at these pants (laughlaughlaughlaugh)...they are RUINED!"
Me: "Yeah. I know."
Tod: "If I were you, I would've set this load to COLD water not HOT water!"
Me: "Tod, get out."
Tod: (holding up the pants) "Check this out! They're totally stained!"
Me: "Do you have a job?"
Tod: "Yes. I'm working from home today."
Me: "Then pretend you're at work."
Tod: "Okay, Felicia (girl from work). Don't be sad, Felicia. We'll get you some new pants, Felicia. Awwww, Felicia, don't cry."

I will not disclose whether or not I cried over these pants but if I have, it's only because they are...were...my favorite. And I should've known better. Pictures of ruined pants may or may not be coming...I need time to heal first.

VanAsher

We've been waiting for these two to visit for years. Like two whole years. Van and Asher are Lennon's...sort of cousins. Because their mom is my aunt. But she's my age. It's a long story but what's important is this -- these boys know how to party in Vegas.

Proof:

Yes, Megan, I realize where Lennon's crotch is. And yes, he still ate his dinner off that plate.

Please don't be afraid but this is what dinner looked like every night. And no, I have no idea what Larry is eating. Looks like spaghetti and then an unidentifiable object. He'll be fine.

These pictures were taken from the swing where Ann Dee (their mom) and I sat everyday...yelling things like, "Lennon, don't spray Van in the face!" and, "Van, turn off the water!" If they listened, great. If not, we just let it go. Why get off the swing, ya know?

Does anyone else want to cry when they see Larry's face here?

I love this picture because it shows all four of the boys. Unfortunately we have no pictures to document their first night here -- have you ever seen three capable adults try to put four kids under three to bed? It only takes about two hours. All the wails and screams from each room made our house sound like some sad dog pound. Probably better without pictures. Just use your imagination. You may need a nap afterwards.

VanAsher -- please come again soon. Love L&L

Heaven help me

Conversation today in a public restroom stall somewhere in Mesquite (words in italics are being whispered; words in all CAPS are being shouted and echoed throughout the bathroom):

Me: Okay Len, sit on the potty.

[Next to us, another stall door shuts]

Lennon: What was that noise???

Me: Just a door shutting.

Lennon: Who is it?

Me: I don't know, come on Len, we need to go.

Lennon: I'M NOT DONE! I NEED TO POO FIRST!

Me: Okay, okay.

Lennon: Who's in here?

Me: Just someone else.

Lennon: Are they peeing or pooing?

Me: Shhhhhhhhhh, Len come on hurry.

Lennon: MOM! ARE THEY PEEING OR POOING?!

Me: Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Lennon: MAMA DON'T TELL ME TO SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Me: Okay, come on Lennon hurry up let's go.

Lennon: DON'T! TELL! ME! TO! HURRY! I HAVE TO POO FIRST!

See post title.

Have you ever

...carried your baby upside down by one foot looking for a wipe for his dirty bum? eaten most of your kids' macaroni so when they want more you have to tell them sorry; they ate it all? told your child the park was "closed" that day? left laundry so long you end up folding two week's worth at once? accidentally washed a load of laundry minus the soap? filled your child's cup with water then a TEEEEENY bit of juice (I do this all day long)? heated up what wasn't eaten for breakfast hoping they'll eat it for lunch? mindlessly passed candy into the backseat just to make it to your destination? caught your son flushing the toilet with his teeth? turned more than one page at once to make a long fairytale a little shorter? left a puppet picnic at the library early because 1. Larry kept running to the stage and 2. Lennon was begging for food from strangers?

filled a pinata full of candy knowing only two kids would be participating?
let your child look like this for three days straight?
watched your babies sleep?
Not posted a picture on your blog because you look fat/ugly/gross/or you were mid-bite/all of the above?
Let your child play naked because it just seemed easier?

Me neither.

P.S. I may continue posting semi-unattractive pictures of myself; it's very liberating. You should try it. I'll only like you more.

Happy Father's Day, Dad

Tommy planted a Japanese Maple in mom's yard for you yesterday. Today we'll visit your grave. And everything is okay because you're still our dad and we know you love us. We love you, too.

If I were a rich girl...

...I'd spend my money here. Forget designer purses, I'll take a tortilla press and a pancake pen, please. And you're all invited over for brunch. We'll dine in the backyard with my outdoor dish set. Afterwards I'll whip up some homemade ice cream in my stainless steel supreme ice cream maker. Bring your friends.

Heaven on earth.

I love this story

Click here (Karen is my mom).

Larry is one?

My baby is one. His birthday fell in the middle of a sad week but a celebration was still in order. This kid is a gem. He needed some balloons and pizza and cake and presents.

We had a party at his Grandma KK's house.

All his best buddies came.

He enjoyed the attention.

His mom enjoyed this picture of herself looking five months pregnant. Awesome.

He seemed to appreciate his homemade carrot cake. Thanks for the idea, Papa.

Aunt Sissy and Larry. Sorry I don't have pictures with everyone. I was too busy looking pregnant.

Van and Asher showed up in their cool boots and gave him this ball -- his new favorite toy.

My carrot cake. Wasn't the prettiest but tasted good. Plus my sisters upgraded the decorative touches. I guess my frosting carrot was "too pornographic" for them so they made the necessary adjustments. Picky picky.

I swear these two were just born.

Happy Birthday Lar. Oooooooooh we love you.

At least my roots are gone

Let me start this post on a high note...just had my hair done. No roots = Happy Holly. More on that here.

However, the other day something inside of me snapped. I spent a few hours scrubbing, vacuuming, dusting, and mopping the house. It smelled and looked SO SPARKLY. I was happy and felt so much order and peace in my life. Then three hours passed. And it was a mess again.

SNAP!

So I called a family meeting. AKA: I walked into the room where all three boys were sitting. Len and Larry watching a movie, Tod on his laptop. Crumbs everywhere, p.s.

Me: "Hey everyone , thanks for coming...this shouldn't take long. I have an announcement to make."
Boys: No response, no one looks my way.
Me: "I don't want anyone to be alarmed but I wanted to let you know I'm not going to be cleaning, cooking or doing laundry until I feel like it which might take a couple years or never again."
Boys: No response, although Tod did lift his chin in my direction while typing on his laptop, eyes still on the screen. The intention was there to look up but he didn't.quite.make.it.
Me: "Okay, so good luck with everything. If you need directions to the store, or want to know where to find cleaning supplies you can just email me."
Boys: Tod did respond here by saying (still looking at screen) "Awwww are you having a bad day?" I think that's when I walked out to avoid punching him in the face. I'd hate to scare the kids.

The next day was a double food strike. I'm not sure if it was religious or maybe political (election day?). Both Lennon and Larry decided they were not eating food but only drinking fluids for an entire 24 hours. Which was fine at breakfast, sort of weird at lunch but by dinner I was annoyed. So I did what any great mom would do -- fed them cookies for dinner. Thanks, Lisa M.
And they ate them.
[ Picture documenting food strike...this is during lunch when Lennon explained to me all he needed was apple juice. ]

Tod's first marathon

On May 15th, Tod ran his first full marathon. We were lucky it was a gorgeous day. We were even luckier that our families thought it would be fun to take the boys for the weekend. Thank you guys again.

His time was 3:48. The only thing Tod said when he crossed the finish line was, "That was really hard." Then he walked away. Tod is the king of understatements. Today we were talking about the pioneers and he commented, "I mean...they were totally persecuted and forced out of their homes. That would really, really make me mad." Yeah, bummer for them...
Gynene M...these guys are incredible. They have been so supportive and really pushed Tod to finish strong.

This was her 14th marathon.
Amy ran this one and shaved almost an hour off her last time. She didn't even break a sweat. See picture below...it was eeeeeeasy.

I loved being a spectator. I enjoyed ice cream the night before, sleeping in, eating a slow breakfast, hot shower, then a leisurely walk to the finish line with my camera. So much easier than a marathon.

Good job you two. You made us proud. See you next Saturday. Tod and I are going for marathon #2.

It was nice knowing all of you.