Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Dear CPS:

Please come take me away. I am not fit to be a mom. My main reasons:

1. The other day I heard myself tell my 22 month old son, "Lennon, I WILL turn on Buzz if you FINISH your CHICKEN NUGGETS!" Awesome.

2. Today we were playing around and in an attempt to throw Lennon on the bed (like his dad does all the time) I threw a little too hard and instead of landing in pillows, my son's head went into the wall. Leaving a huge dent in the wall and a huge lump on his head. And a look on his face (while he screamed) that said, "Mama? Why did you do that? WHY DID YOU DO THAT, MAMA??"

3. Apparently Jet Dry is NOT toxic when ingested by a two year old.

And then finally since I'm already confessing 4. Yesterday I got in a kid's face at the park because he shoved Lennon then said, "Who let this BAAAAABEEEEEEE come to the park?" I poked my head into that slide, startling this 4th grade-ish bully and said, "I LET THIS BABY COME TO THE PARK BECAUSE THIS PARK IS FOR EVERYONE!"

My bags are packed. Just honk when you're outside.


diana said...

That is awesome! Some 4th grade bullies just need to be told off!

Anonymous said...

I just bust out laughing. Can you write a book or something so I can laugh like this every night?!?

Ryan Smart said...

I can't imagine you ever yelling...wait, I actually remeber you yelling A LOT..."WHY THE H#$% DID YOU GET A JAZZ BEAR?" Lennon is going to be a proud mom...maybe I'm just saying that because my mom was EXACTLY like you and I got a huge kick out of it and she was the best. Save me a room at where ever they send bad parents, because the day someone hurts Camryn will not be a pretty one for whoever crosses that line. I'd shove that little kids face so hard into the slide that he'd be picking our fiber glass for weeks.

Carol said...

Welcome to the Guilt Club better known as "Mom's World" ... the one where we "goof up" once in a while ... "Did you actually say Lennon's head dented the wall"?
My O' My!! Didn't know you had that kind of strength, Holly. ha ha
I bet that was a shocker for the little guy and Mom as well! Been afraid Tod was gonna' put the boy's head thru the ceiling a time or two ... he throws him up so high when they're playing.
I laughed so hard at Ryan Smart's comment about the bully and the slide ... See now, you weren't all that bad. More power to you!! I'm inclined to go with the "Fiberglass
Face" ... but then, you'd have been arrested & Lennon wouldn't have his mommy to toss him on the bed/wall/whatever anymore.

Grandma C

Anonymous said...

Seriously! Good for you. I hate kid bullys. Is that the proper way to pluralize bully?

Anonymous said...

Hate was a strong word. I don't 'like' kid bullys, or adult ones for that matter.