Please come take me away. I am not fit to be a mom. My main reasons:
1. The other day I heard myself tell my 22 month old son, "Lennon, I WILL turn on Buzz if you FINISH your CHICKEN NUGGETS!" Awesome.
2. Today we were playing around and in an attempt to throw Lennon on the bed (like his dad does all the time) I threw a little too hard and instead of landing in pillows, my son's head went into the wall. Leaving a huge dent in the wall and a huge lump on his head. And a look on his face (while he screamed) that said, "Mama? Why did you do that? WHY DID YOU DO THAT, MAMA??"
3. Apparently Jet Dry is NOT toxic when ingested by a two year old.
And then finally since I'm already confessing 4. Yesterday I got in a kid's face at the park because he shoved Lennon then said, "Who let this BAAAAABEEEEEEE come to the park?" I poked my head into that slide, startling this 4th grade-ish bully and said, "I LET THIS BABY COME TO THE PARK BECAUSE THIS PARK IS FOR EVERYONE!"
My bags are packed. Just honk when you're outside.