Me: Lennon, I feel like you could live in an apartment on your own and you'd be just fine.
Larry: I want to move out, too.
Tod: (smelling my hair) Oh wow! Your hair smells sooooo good and clean!
Me: What does it usually smell like?
Tod: French fries. Or peanuts.
Me: Well I don't wash my hair all the time so I don't damage it.
Tod: After you're dead I'm going to have you scalped and wear your hair as a wig I love it that much.
Me: BOYS! Everyone get DOWNSTAIRS! This is SERIOUS!
Boys come downstairs
Me: Can someone PLEASE tell me why two of our bathrooms smell like URINE?!
Larry: What's urine?
Lennon: Larry, urine is pee.
Me: I have scrubbed these bathrooms all week. Pine-Soled the floors...scrubbed the toilets...and they reek. I can't even breathe in there. Why does it smell so bad?
Lennon: Hmmm...well, I have been peeing in the garbage can lately.
Me: You've what?!
Lennon: Yeah...sometimes Larry is already on the toilet and I have to go...so I've been peeing in the trash cans.
I check...both bathrooms have urine-soaked toilet paper in their trash cans.
Me: Lennon...why....WWWWHHHHYYYY would you pee in the trash can?
Lennon: You never told me not to.