Today as Tod left for work he grabbed the can opener.
Me: Hey wait! You can't take my can opener.
Me: Ummmm because I use it. All the time.
Tod: Well now I need it. At work (grabbing cans of tuna from the pantry).
Me: You're going to eat tuna at work?
Tod: Yeah. I figured instead of eating out for lunch, I could eat tuna.
Me: That's all you want to eat?
Tod: (Grabbing a banana) Sure...and I'll have some fruit with it.
Me: Okaaaaay...bring it back tonight. We'll get you your own can opener for work.
Tonight Tod came home from work with the can opener and the pack of tuna cans. Two missing.
Me: Sooooooo...you brought it all back?
Tod: Yeah...things didn't go very well at work with the tuna.
Me: Why's that.
Tod: Well, first of all, my office isn't that big so the smell just really takes over the place. Plus I dropped the first can in the toilet so I was like 'Screw this' ya know...
Me: Why were you in the bathroom with a can of tuna? Do I even want to know...
Tod: Well I figured I could isolate the smell best by opening my can in the bathroom over the toilet. We don't have tons of cleaning supplies so I figured the tuna juice could just drip into the toilet then I could flush the juice and the smell down once it was open. But I dropped it in the toilet. Tuna juice, toilet water all over me.... Ohhhhhh I was so PISSSSSSSED!
Me: Tod --------------------------- Okay so did you go get lunch then?
Tod: No, I didn't want to waste my tuna so I drove to Smith's parking lot and pulled up next to a garbage can where I tried to open the second can...over the garbage can...but then I dropped this can too.
Me: PEEING IN MY PANTS You dropped the tuna can in a trash can?
Tod: Yeah but then I pulled it out and ate it.
Me: So you ate out of a dumpster.
Tod: It wasn't a dumpster. It was a garbage can.
Tod: So I finally opened the can of tuna and was eating it in the parking lot in 110 degree heat and realized I didn't have any water....I don't know how often you eat tuna but it's like eating crackers with no water. I had to choke down every single bite just to finish my lunch. I was like...gagging...