I blame pneumonia.
Because I have been sick and homebound for seven days now and I'm starting to lose touch with reality. And sanity. Although he deserved it.
Thursday night I grabbed my toothbrush to brush my teeth and it was wet. Ewwwww.
Me: Tod, why did you use my toothbrush?
Tod: I didn't.
Me: Uhhh yeah you did. It's wet.
Tod: Maybe it got wet because it's next to the sink.
Me: In the history of having a toothbrush next to the sink that has never happened (I grab his toothbrush -- dry as a bone). See? Your toothbrush is dry and mine is wet. You must've mixed them up.
Tod: Holly...let me say this again...I.....DID.....NOT.....USE......YOURFREAKINGTOOTHBRUSH.
Me: Feel this (I rub both toothbrushes on his arm so he can feel that mine is wet and his is dry).
Tod: Our bristles are different; yours are more absorbent. Or maybe it's still wet from the last time you brushed.
Me: Oh you mean at 8 am this morning? Yeah, that makes total sense.
Tod: Holly, (he's standing up now) stop telling me I used your toothbrush.
Me: Okay, you're right. What I'm saying makes NO SENSE AT ALL! So SORRRRRRRYYYYYY.
Tod: (following me into the closet now) It doesn't make sense because (raising his voice) LIGHTNING STRIKE ME DEAD I DID NOT USE YOUR TOOTHBRUSH!
I think it started with me swatting at him with the toothpaste tube which didn't phase him so I started squirting. When I was done his jacket, head (he was ducking), the floor and somehow the wall were covered in toothpaste. And that wasn't all.
I got back into bed and was trying hard not to laugh while he rinsed off his jacket in the sink. He finished and plugged in his laptop OVER THE TOP OF ME so he could work. I hate when that cord is OVER THE TOP OF ME so I unplugged it and threw it. So he got up, plugged it back in and sat down. I unplugged it and threw it again. This is when he turned off American Idol and SAT ON ME while typing now. Which really made me mad until I looked at him and saw toothpaste all over his ear.
Let's all hope I'm feeling better soon.