I will give you all the money in our bank account (with which you could probably treat your friends to lunch), a back massage, chocolate, and anything else your heart desires if you will please show up today. Or even tonight. I know you want to come because you keep kicking me in the ribs and somehow in my back...no need to be polite, please just show up. Last night in a flurry of four letter words your dad set up what he calls your "baby condo." It's ready for you. Just come.
In the mean time I'll be chewing on ice all day long while your dad tells me that chewing on ice is the most annoying sound in the world.
I'm begging you.